Or Am I...? Haha
Do you ever question every choice you’ve ever made and every choice that you still have to make? I cannot decide what i want anymore, I have no idea if any of the decisions ive made in my past were any good, and i dont know what to choose now. i love them all. but whats the difference between soulmate love and friend love? i cant tell anymore. it all feels the same. maybe it is all friend love? maybe its all soulmate love? i cant decipher my own emotions anymore. i feel like a psycho.. im being a SHITTY gf, im being an even shittier friend. ugh. why cant it be the olden days when ur parents forced you to marry people you didnt give a damn about and ur love for them was forced to grow on you. at least then you didnt have to break hearts every five minutes, make terribly difficult decisions, and have to live with the knowledge that every single choice you’ve made or may make in the future is entirely your own and you have no one to blame but yourself -_- ugh.
- Me: babe. am i a ten?
- Boyfriend: i feel that no matter how i answer this question ill be wrong...but to me you are the most beautiful girl in the world
- Me: <3333 aw!
I havent had a second thought about dumping him, since the breakup almost two years ago… so why the fuck has he randomly popped back into my head?
Because as stupid as he could fucking be, I almost always knew what was going on in his head… I cant say the same for this one… Ever… :/
Sleep is my haven…
I used to always wonder why I’m always so tired…
Doctor said that I could be depressed but I never believed him until now.
It came to my understanding today that whenever my hopes and dreams are crushed, (because they’re always pulverized eventually)
The only thing I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep…
To be alone with nothing but the few happy dreams left in my head.
He asked me last night if id ever forgive him if he stabbed me.
My Reply: “No, I would NOT forgive you if you tried to Kill me -_-“
Him: “But your Ex Boyfriend pushed you once when he was angry and you forgave him.”
Me: “A scrapped knee vs possible death… hmm.. really?”
Him: *Angrily* ”Same difference.”
Me: “Are you mad at me because i wont forgive you if you attempt to murder me?”
HAHAHA This is what I deal with.. But I love the guy, so what can I say? haha <3
What’s keeping me awake you ask? Well, the fact that my boyfriend and I are yet again in a stupid might be my answer.. Or the fact that as of late I’m constantly stressed out of my mind… Or maybe I’m a psychopath? Take your pick.